Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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