did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
