why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
