Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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