my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
