so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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