This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
