The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
