I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
