I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
