im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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