I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
