kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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