when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
