If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
