After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
