Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
