Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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