i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
