Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
