Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
