So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
