Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
