I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
