I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
