I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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