This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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