I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
