hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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