I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
