I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
