she was so not down for the gang bang
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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