Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
