From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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