I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
