I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
