Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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