the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
