There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
