You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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