yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
