i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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