Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
