I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
