There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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