Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
