Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
