he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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