dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
