Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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